From the title, most people would expect a noir with erotic undertones. Relax: nothing like that.

What happened is a true story that, in a normal life, would shock anyone. In mine, it becomes a coherent anomaly — the confirmation of who I have been since the day I was born.

The name Frega carries a precise genealogy: my grandfather, my father, and I. All with the same gift: twin births. Buy two, pay for one.

My wife has never been thrilled about it. She is convinced I have left children scattered around the world, simply because she knows I love a good deal.

Women have always been my weakness — and, whispered between us, my only real strength. My nature as a good man does not allow me to resist goodness: giving in looks effortless, but it costs a lot, because every action has a price. The expense is certain; the ROI is always doubtful. I have never been sure about returns. Only exits.

Today at lunch, the news arrives.

“You know,” Betty says, “the kids and I decided to put you online for rent.”

“What does that even mean?”

“For years you went with whoever you wanted, whoever looked for you, and even with those who did not want you anymore. We never understood the situation or the reasons. Now we want to measure you on the market.”

There are many women who cannot have children, and the blame always falls on them, because men hide behind the classic: “It’s not my fault.”

So, we created a page: Satisfied, No Refunds.

Your daughter’s headline: you guarantee children to everyone. Bring your family record — they will see you are the two-for-one.

I thought it was a joke. I laughed. Until the first call came in.

So, I checked the website: I wanted to understand the rules, the costs, the profits, what my two women had set up.

It was extremely clear: no money, no sexual services.

So, what was I supposed to do?

Cognitive meetings. No books. Just stories.

The ones I have always told — between truth and fiction — the ones that stay with people and always end with the same questions:

“Is it true?”

“When did it happen?”

“And who the hell is this guy?”

Curious as always, I went to the first appointment. I am a man of character; challenges are my daily bread.

And who do I find?

My sister-in-law.

A well-played joke, I thought.

But after two hours of intense conversation, after years of marriage and a life built on appearances, she left in tears.

Only a few months later, the news arrived.

You will think she got pregnant.

No.

The ending is different: she left her husband and started authoring books.

Our meeting made her realize one thing — she had married the wrong man.

And she discovered someone today… someone she did not expect.

She started searching among the scribes on the web.

If I could, I would tell her not to look on Amazon.

Nando